...he - found another person, born on the same day as me, the same hour, who had the same character as mine - Xuan - in their birth name. And he swapped our fates.
[she looks down, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.]
There was a... monster. A parasitic ghost, known as a Venerable of Empty Words. It had latched itself onto me as a baby, and - it fed on my fear and suffering. My family tried to hide me from it, but... it found me again. [...] Ghosts like that... they dog you your entire life, until you... until you take your own. And then they devour you.
That was supposed to be my fate.
[...]
But my brother ascended to godhood naturally, and - he found someone who fit what he needed, whose fate was to become a god. He used his power to switch our fates. I thought... I thought I'd ascended naturally, too. But I ascended in that person's place, and they were tormented in mine.
[it's not right. it's just... it's not right.]
...if I'd never come here, I would have found out about it... soon. But I didn't know. ...centuries, and I didn't know. I should have...
[The words come to her so immediately - she blurts them out, and then looks surprised at herself for having said them so easily, bringing a hand to her mouth absently.]
You - you don't have to bear the burden of someone else's choices, even if they were for your sake.
...if I was stronger, he wouldn't have needed to make those choices. And - knowing what I do now, I can't just... stay like this.
[...]
There has to be some way to make it right. I just... haven't figured out what it is yet. Ming-xiong said, and I saw - in his memory, I'd already given up my godhood to... try to atone for it. [...she closes her eyes.] But if I'm going to make my brother admit to what he did, and take responsibility for it, I think... I'm going to need to hold onto it for a little longer.
...but it doesn't feel right, remaining as a god when I was never meant to be one in the first place.
You didn't cause him to do any of it. And you shouldn't suffer either, just to atone.
[She's going to reach out to try to take her hand.]
You don't deserve to suffer. And - I don't know what it means, to deserve to ascend. But you are more worthy than your brother, and more worthy than most of anyone I know.
[well. since harrow's taking her hand, she'll hold onto it, maybe a little more tightly than she should.]
It's - strange. Hearing you say that. [...] Where I come from, a person's fate is... their fate. Anyone from my world who heard this story would condemn me just as much as they would condemn my brother.
I don't really believe in fate. I ascended more or less as an accident, out of desperation; I never did anything to earn it. But. . .
[She'll squeeze back and goes quiet for a long minute.]
That I'm alive at all is rather. . . a bit of ugliness that has felt like a fate I can't escape from. I've always felt if anyone knew the circumstances of my birth, they would condemn me for it as well.
[she'll just. keep her hand in harrow's. it seems like they could both use it, really.]
...you don't deserve to suffer for the circumstances of your birth, either. Nor should you have to suffer for the circumstances you were put into. That's not a burden you should ever have to bear.
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[she looks down, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.]
There was a... monster. A parasitic ghost, known as a Venerable of Empty Words. It had latched itself onto me as a baby, and - it fed on my fear and suffering. My family tried to hide me from it, but... it found me again. [...] Ghosts like that... they dog you your entire life, until you... until you take your own. And then they devour you.
That was supposed to be my fate.
[...]
But my brother ascended to godhood naturally, and - he found someone who fit what he needed, whose fate was to become a god. He used his power to switch our fates. I thought... I thought I'd ascended naturally, too. But I ascended in that person's place, and they were tormented in mine.
[it's not right. it's just... it's not right.]
...if I'd never come here, I would have found out about it... soon. But I didn't know. ...centuries, and I didn't know. I should have...
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[The words come to her so immediately - she blurts them out, and then looks surprised at herself for having said them so easily, bringing a hand to her mouth absently.]
You - you don't have to bear the burden of someone else's choices, even if they were for your sake.
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[...]
There has to be some way to make it right. I just... haven't figured out what it is yet. Ming-xiong said, and I saw - in his memory, I'd already given up my godhood to... try to atone for it. [...she closes her eyes.] But if I'm going to make my brother admit to what he did, and take responsibility for it, I think... I'm going to need to hold onto it for a little longer.
...but it doesn't feel right, remaining as a god when I was never meant to be one in the first place.
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[She's going to reach out to try to take her hand.]
You don't deserve to suffer. And - I don't know what it means, to deserve to ascend. But you are more worthy than your brother, and more worthy than most of anyone I know.
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[well. since harrow's taking her hand, she'll hold onto it, maybe a little more tightly than she should.]
It's - strange. Hearing you say that. [...] Where I come from, a person's fate is... their fate. Anyone from my world who heard this story would condemn me just as much as they would condemn my brother.
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[She'll squeeze back and goes quiet for a long minute.]
That I'm alive at all is rather. . . a bit of ugliness that has felt like a fate I can't escape from. I've always felt if anyone knew the circumstances of my birth, they would condemn me for it as well.
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But that's...
[she'll just. keep her hand in harrow's. it seems like they could both use it, really.]
...you don't deserve to suffer for the circumstances of your birth, either. Nor should you have to suffer for the circumstances you were put into. That's not a burden you should ever have to bear.
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[she manages the teeniest, tiniest smile at that]
...I'm lucky to have a friend like you, Harrow.
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