Tired, and... like we could just leave it to someone else to decide. That it was going to be a decision that would change everything. ...we could put it off, or maybe we could go home, or maybe we could just sleep.
[...]
...we chose to recalibrate it. And then - everything froze, and we started to change. [she shudders] It was the same sort of thing as when I was investigating the simulation room - changes that... were very much like the sorts of things we've seen on the Avatars themselves.
[she takes a breath.]
We'd tried to keep the creature out by closing the door on it, but it got through. It started... getting closer to us. And it opened its beak, and last time it did that it had attacked us, so - I kicked it.
On the other adventures, there have been similar endings. An emotion, related to one of the eight sins, and then a decision. For example, in ours, we - [She becomes extremely vague at this part.] - we became ravenous with hunger, and we had to make a decision to do something we considered immoral or die. We wound up dying.
The Avatars experienced an emotion that sounds like Envy to me, encouraging them to leave the others behind. And Mollymauk's group experienced something like Greed, encouraging them to decide to kill the dopplegangers they saw. Some of Mollymauk's group gave into the emotion and killed them, whereas others refused and nearly died there.
I've been trying to untangle the meaning; it's clearly an intentional test at this point, but I don't know what the answer is supposed to be.
shi qingxuan files that away, but she doesn't press for details. being vague is an intentional choice, and she's not going to try to convince her to make different choices. that she's sharing any of it at all with her is enough.]
...I'm not sure, either. [...] I... before I lost consciousness, it almost felt like... like we were being punished, somehow.
...
But I'm not sure if it was for the choice we made, or for kicking the creature.
We were convinced we were being punished - we lost memories for a week after, and it was. . . it just felt like we'd gotten it wrong.
But I couldn't say for certain anymore. [. . .] I don't want to share what happened to Mollymauk's group without permission, but I don't think Molly would be angry at me for telling you that he. . . he refused to kill a doppleganger, and he lay there dying, being taunted by voices suggesting he ought to just give in and die, but. . . it spat him out before he actually perished.
Oh. Yes - so it's like what happened to us; our losing memories as a punishment.
You ought to ask, but. . . just be aware that they've been withholding certain things from us. Not maliciously; I think they believe we'll be endangered knowing, and it wouldn't do any good.
But a lot makes more sense to me now, realizing this.
I know there are some things that they don't necessarily... feel like they should share with us. And I think some of them are convinced that what happened to them and what's happening to us are two separate things.
But I think it's all connected, somehow. Otherwise, why would we keep learning about it from this place...?
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Tired, and... like we could just leave it to someone else to decide. That it was going to be a decision that would change everything. ...we could put it off, or maybe we could go home, or maybe we could just sleep.
[...]
...we chose to recalibrate it. And then - everything froze, and we started to change. [she shudders] It was the same sort of thing as when I was investigating the simulation room - changes that... were very much like the sorts of things we've seen on the Avatars themselves.
[she takes a breath.]
We'd tried to keep the creature out by closing the door on it, but it got through. It started... getting closer to us. And it opened its beak, and last time it did that it had attacked us, so - I kicked it.
[and it took her leg in retaliation.]
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The Avatars experienced an emotion that sounds like Envy to me, encouraging them to leave the others behind. And Mollymauk's group experienced something like Greed, encouraging them to decide to kill the dopplegangers they saw. Some of Mollymauk's group gave into the emotion and killed them, whereas others refused and nearly died there.
I've been trying to untangle the meaning; it's clearly an intentional test at this point, but I don't know what the answer is supposed to be.
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shi qingxuan files that away, but she doesn't press for details. being vague is an intentional choice, and she's not going to try to convince her to make different choices. that she's sharing any of it at all with her is enough.]
...I'm not sure, either. [...] I... before I lost consciousness, it almost felt like... like we were being punished, somehow.
...
But I'm not sure if it was for the choice we made, or for kicking the creature.
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But I couldn't say for certain anymore. [. . .] I don't want to share what happened to Mollymauk's group without permission, but I don't think Molly would be angry at me for telling you that he. . . he refused to kill a doppleganger, and he lay there dying, being taunted by voices suggesting he ought to just give in and die, but. . . it spat him out before he actually perished.
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[mm. well.]
...I can't remember the face of the person I recognized from home. [...] Which is really disorienting, because it was Ming-xiong.
[please understand how funny it is to me that she looks directly at ming yi and immediately forgets what he looks like, siz.]
...I wonder if... maybe whatever it is doesn't actually want to kill us while we're there, but rather, it wants us to live with our choices.
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[So hmm. Anyway, Harrow could really tell her that Ming Yi isn't hot at all and sweep her off her feet now.]
I don't think that's a bad theory. Especially with the recalibration - it seems oddly specific. The Avatars also made a choice to be here.
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[harrow really could, she wouldn't know any better.]
It felt sort of like maybe we were... replaying... what happened to them. But I won't know for sure until I ask about it, I think.
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You ought to ask, but. . . just be aware that they've been withholding certain things from us. Not maliciously; I think they believe we'll be endangered knowing, and it wouldn't do any good.
But a lot makes more sense to me now, realizing this.
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I know there are some things that they don't necessarily... feel like they should share with us. And I think some of them are convinced that what happened to them and what's happening to us are two separate things.
But I think it's all connected, somehow. Otherwise, why would we keep learning about it from this place...?
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...and I think they're trapped in this as much as we are. So it can't be just about getting us out of this - we need to find a way to help them, too.